Parents on the cell phone – understand instead of condemning
Always this cell phone
Do you know that - you have a family, children, a lot to do and always complain about a lack of time - and you find yourself on your smartphone in many moments of the day.
In the past, you may have looked down on people you met in the park with their children - their attention was somewhere else, just staring at the screen, watching life happen at the moment, including everything their children were doing do in their game, runs past them.
Raven parents, you may have thought, or just shook your head. Seen from the outside, such a picture was simply incomprehensible to you.
Then your time came - and faster than you could watch, you found yourself in similar situations. What happened?
Why can't you just be fully with your children, with your family, without letting your cell phone take your attention away?
I would like to share with you something that I have discovered within myself from my own experience on this topic. Here's a slightly older diary entry that I wrote before everything changed - or rather was continually renovated.
Dear diary – frustration
“I'm so annoyed with myself. The children are just too much for me, no, not the children, just the constant talking about topics that don't correspond to my adult world. Calling on my services every second. The ruthlessness regarding my energy balance. I want to chat! I mean, really entertained! I want to connect, talk about topics that move me, about love, sex, my job, my feelings, my plans, the fear of always being caught in the hamster wheel. I want to hug someone who is the same size as me. I want to drink wine and forget that my actual world looks different than the one I put together in my soul.
Because I don't actually have the fancy outdoor life that I constantly dream about. I run to work like so many people, I sit in the car for well over an hour a day, spending half of my time driving from one daily happening to the next, so I structure my daily routine by being in the car Sitting at the traffic light. I tend to eat quickly rather than healthily, I feel bad afterwards, I complain to my children fifty times more than planned a day, my behavior is increasingly reminiscent of my mother, “I’m tired,” she always said, and “ quickly” and “later”.
And in all of this I don't even have an exciting love affair to distract me.
I see my friends much less often than I tell myself. After all, we all work, after all, they don't have children yet, and after all, they don't want to sit with me on the playground as often as I have to.
I can not stand. I can't stand this everyday life, the constant repetition of loops of getting in, getting out, eating, sleeping, working, organizing.
Dear Diary – Lust
That felt good – to just write out all my anger. Above all, anger at myself - because nobody forces me to live the way I do, right? I want joy in life! Desire! I like getting up in the morning because something exciting is waiting for me. Not just a nice vacation trip - I mean, something really fundamentally different. An everyday life from which I don't need a vacation.
That's what the red number on Facebook promises me. A new message - something happens, something unexpected, something that can change everything. At least that's how my brain interprets this red number - clever, right? Of course I know that this is just a neural trick. Rarely does anything groundbreaking happen on Facebook or WhatsApp - but at least similar messenger substances are released in my body and I enjoy the feeling of excitement and hope. On the other hand, my cell phone can't give me what I really need. It just gives me a mock-up of the feeling of togetherness and connection. I want to become more and more aware of this. I know I have to get out of there. I want out of there. I want my life to be so exciting and present that my phone no longer plays a role.
Wanting to drown my frustration in my phone. This can't work. Apple doesn't have a catch basin for this.
Yes, I want to change my behavior. But first – I give myself understanding. For being a person who just doesn't want to be lonely. A person who longs for connection and depth, for variety and adventure in the midst of family security.
I'm human - and the reason a smartphone works so well as an attention angel is because it's focused on our deepest basic needs. I fell for it. My basic needs are still there. And now I’ll just give myself a hug.”
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AUTHOR: SARAH ACKER