Give space to life - lose fear of birth

The horror of birth

"There's magic in every beginning," said Hermann Hesse, and I don't know if he was ever fortunate enough to witness a birth. But if any description fits the experience of childbirth almost perfectly, it's probably this one.

The birth of new life is unique throughout nature. Both for us humans and in the cycle of nature in general, birth is the navel of all life, a milestone. The end of a symbiosis, the beginning of a breath. Magical.

And yet... a shadow clouds the miracle of life.

Throughout human history, a wide variety of circumstances have caused countless women, the guardians of life within them, to experience uncontrollable, almost panicky fear of the experience of childbirth.

Life reveals itself so raw and immediate, so unvarnished, magical, pure, and direct through her own body, the experience is overwhelming. But why only the fear?

Where does the panic come from that can cause us sleepless nights months before our due date? Where does the caution come from, the thought of going to the hospital, the intense preoccupation with possible alternatives to natural childbirth and painkillers? Where does the thought that we're not up to it?

Humanity's development is based, among other things, on storytelling. We are geared to build on experiences, images, and our past. We sit around the fire and listen to tales from days long gone. We sit in front of the television and allow ourselves to be moved by stories that reflect our deepest longings, but also our deepest fears.

We learn from what people before us have experienced.

Throughout our history, various cultural and historical factors have given rise to the belief that birth is a curse imposed on women. Patriarchy further reinforced this belief by removing any power from women over their own strength and lives.

Fear and pain are directly related

These stories shape us and our perception of birth. The more often and more vividly we hear stories of fear, pain, loud cries, and complications, the more deeply they become encoded in our systems as truth. What we believe to be true is what we experience. Our brain creates our reality from the stories it has available for processing.

If we learn over decades that childbirth is terribly painful and a terrible, borderline experience in which we can at best be “lucky” that everything went well, our soul and with it our body will adjust to such an experience.

In addition, our mind can only work with what it knows:

Many women haven't learned how their bodies work to deliver a baby. They learn that a hospital is necessary, that medical care is essential, and that painkillers are indispensable unless they're particularly tough. They have no idea what a gentle, quiet, and peaceful birth would be like.

The control over a successful birth moves away from her body and into the hands of other people.

With the loss of control, fear sets in. Fear causes the body to tense up during birth, counteracting the natural opening with which the child is born.The cervix dilates with difficulty, muscles work against each other, and unbearable pain ensues. Often, this is referred to as labor arrest, and the baby is delivered by cesarean section.

But why does something like a labor arrest occur? Isn't it logical to think that a woman's body doesn't open because she doesn't feel safe, just as animals in nature do when threatened? Could it be that our bodies are so much more intelligent than we suspect?

Has it always been like this with the pain and fear?

Long before us and still today, completely different birth stories exist: Women all over the world give birth gently, easily, and without the pain we know. For them, birth is a completely natural process, a part of life, and something a female body is seen as perfectly capable of. The women are in control of how they want to give birth and have experiences that allow them to grow beyond themselves, that allow them to emerge from it with strength, with deeply beautiful, positive memories and a yes to life.

In many other parts of the world, it's perfectly normal for women to give birth quickly, without complications, and without drama. Birth is celebrated and carried out without fear.

The difference usually lies in a completely different perception of life, our bodies and the naturalness of the birth experience.

Women hear different stories. They believe in a different reality and experience something different. They know they are the experts, in complete control, and they have the freedom to decide how they want the birth to unfold.

They also have a deep trust in life, are at peace with themselves, and usually know exactly how their body works to bring the baby into the world. So, they do one thing above all: They let themselves go. They know that the process in their body is trustworthy and relax. They open up and let the body do the work. The more relaxed a woman is during labor, the more deeply she can let go of resistance and go with the process.

The muscles work naturally, the cervix opens, the baby slides out, and much more is exhaled than pushed out. Isn't that almost too good to be true? Well...

Do you have any personal tips?

Yes! I've already experienced two births myself. The first was traumatic and completely in line with what we're used to here. A woman screaming in terror in a brightly lit delivery room, surrounded by strangers, in unbearable pain and with the thought "it's almost over." I was filled with fear.

The second birth was quiet, gentle, painless, and beautiful. I remember it so fondly.

Now I am about to give birth to my third child and I am looking forward to it!

How is it possible that I've had such diverse experiences? What can I share from them?

The crucial difference was this:

I severed the cognitive connection in my brain between birth and pain and replaced it with new stories, experiences, and thus possibilities. First, I decided to fast radically: I stayed away from any negative accounts of other women's birth experiences. I stopped speaking to people who believed that birth was painful.

Instead, I read stories every day and even watched videos online where I could see women giving birth clearly painlessly and without medical assistance. This changed my perception and beliefs about childbirth. My synapses were reconnected. Birth no longer meant pain, but peace, relaxation, and joy.

I supplemented this inner process with relaxation exercises beforehand (our body can best apply what it has already internalized) and education about how my body works to bring the baby into the world.

The combination of knowledge, practice, and experience through stories led me to my second, wonderful birth experience.

If you're also facing all these fears, I encourage you from the bottom of my heart: Have faith! With the right tools, you can have a beautiful, self-determined, and yes, even pain-free birth.

If you would like to learn more about family and pregnancy, mindfulness, nutrition or sustainability, Check out more exciting blog articles on these topics here.

AUTHOR: SARAH ACKER