May 8th is Mother's Day. In many households, mothers are particularly remembered on this day; they are cared for, given gifts, and helped. The internet is then full of gift ideas, greetings, and posts about Mother's Day. Unfortunately, people who no longer have a mother or who wished they had a good relationship with their own mother are often forgotten. Added to this are women who cannot get pregnant despite wanting to have children, mothers with newlyweds, and stepmothers. For all of these people, the day can be extremely stressful. To mark this occasion, I would like to reflect a little on this holiday today and share some rituals and tips that can make it easier to deal with the holiday.

A day to honor motherhood

I don't think I need to go into the meaning of Mother's Day in any detail. Most of us probably made Mother's Day presents together in kindergarten. But the interpretation and relevance of this holiday, which is always celebrated here on the second Sunday in May, varies greatly from family to family. In some families, mothers are practically not allowed to leave the couch on this special Sunday because the children help out and mom receives special care. In other families, however, only a bouquet of flowers and a card are given, and in still others, the day is treated like any other.
Then there are the families in which the mothers would like to be appreciated a little more than usual on Mother's Day, but the children and/or husband forget the day or don't consider it special.

And I can also understand the mothers who are bothered that something like Mother's Day even exists. After all, every day should be "Mother's Day," right?

So let's summarize: Depending on the understanding of Mother's Day we grew up with and the things we've experienced throughout our lives, we approach this day differently. And while the day is often associated with love, joy, and gratitude, there are also some people who associate it with more negative emotions such as disappointment, sadness, anger, or even envy.

Why is that?

Mothers can especially feel disappointed when their expectations for the day are not met. For example, a mother might want extra help with the housework, a hearty breakfast, a bouquet of flowers on the kitchen table, or time for herself. All of these things are legitimate and completely understandable; but what if those wishes aren't fulfilled? Even if you don't want to admit it to yourself, disappointment often sets in. How do you deal with it? Is it okay to be disappointed, angry, or sad that the day, which should actually be about ME, isn't really appreciated? The answer is: OF COURSE! Because even if the day isn't that important to you, you're still being told from outside that this day should be like this and you should be treated like this. It's no wonder that implicit expectations arise.

How can these negative emotions be prevented?

The only way to nip these frustrations in the bud is to clearly communicate your wishes and expectations. Your family can only know what you're thinking if you tell them. The idea of ​​a family that reads your every wish from your lips is, unfortunately, romantic and unrealistic.By the way, this doesn't just apply to expectations for Mother's Day. But I don't want to digress too much...

If you talk to your partner or your children about what you want for the day and how you want to spend it, you'll make things much easier for them as well. Especially if you want time for yourself, it's important to communicate this clearly, as Mother's Day is often labeled a family day. If you feel uncomfortable asking for gifts like a bouquet of flowers (which I could totally understand), perhaps keep your expectations more general and talk about how you would be happy to receive a small token of appreciation in some way.

Another option is to lead by positive example. For example, by acknowledging other mothers you know and writing them a card, or by discussing Mother's Day expectations with them. When we do good things for others or feel heard, negative feelings often disappear on their own.

A few words to all for whom Mother's Day is a difficult day

Dear children who have lost their mothers and children who never got to know their biological mothers, as well as mothers of star children, women with unfulfilled desire to have children, bonus mothers, step mothers and all other kinds of children and mothers who are often forgotten –

You're not alone. It's okay to be emotional on Mother's Day, to isolate yourself, to be jealous of "normal" mother-child relationships, and to think Mother's Day is crap. It's just as okay to feel nothing about Mother's Day.

Suggestions for dealing with Mother's Day

If Mother's Day is a difficult day for you, you may want to use some of these suggestions to help you prepare for future Mother's Days and make it easier for yourself to deal with this day.

The following things have helped other people who are often forgotten on Mother's Day:

• Visit the memorial of the deceased mother or set up a small corner at home where you can consciously remember the deceased mother
• write a letter to your mother or mother figure – even if you don’t send it
• light a candle for all people who feel the same way as you on this day
• continue old rituals, z.B. prepare a delicious, hearty breakfast – even if your own mother can no longer be part of it
• make other mothers happy and appreciate them – z.B. As a stepmother, write a card or message to the child's biological mother and tell her that she is doing a great job (of course, only if this is true or if such thoughts and feelings toward the other mother are real)
• Celebrate yourself. For the person you are and the person you want to be. For everything you do for others and everything you do for yourself.
• Treat yourself. Buy yourself the bouquet of flowers you want from others.Choose a gift for your deceased mother or your star child and then give it to yourself at the end.
• Reflect on the past year with regard to your current family life/the mother-child relationship or the child-mother relationship and ask yourself, for example, where you still want to go, what you are already doing well and what you still want to work on.

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This list is by no means exhaustive. I'd love for you to share more ideas and tips with me in the comments below this post!

If you want to learn more about mindfulness, family and pregnancy, healthy eating, or sustainability, check out more exciting blog articles on these topics here.