Every now and then, it happens that we completely miss the mark in conversations with others. However, this happens much more often on a relationship level than on a linguistic level. There are different ways to express our affection for another person. But how do we ensure that our expressions of love truly resonate with the other person and make them feel loved? Unfortunately, it's not always the case that our partner perceives and understands our signals the way we intend them to. The five love languages ​​can help us with precisely this problem.

The 5 languages ​​of love

The information I share with you in this post is based on Gary Chapmans concept “The Five Love LanguagesHis book of the same name (German title: "The 5 Languages ​​of Love", ISBN: 978-3-86122-621-5) achieved worldwide recognition and has since become a standard work in couples counseling.

Okay, but what's so exciting in the book?

Chapman believes that different ways or languages, Expressing and receiving love: Togetherness, praise and recognition, gifts, helpfulness, and tenderness. Some people express their affection particularly through touch. Others enjoy receiving words of appreciation, and still others particularly value it when their partner spends time with them. I'll go into more detail about what exactly constitutes these different love languages ​​in a moment.

To a certain extent, each of us enjoys all these different languages. However, we all have one predominant language; it is something like our mother tongue. However, when these “mother tongues” are mixed in a relationship, differentiate, it can lead to conflicts and misunderstandings The way one person feels loved is not always the way the other person feels loved. It therefore helps to explore what language you are sending out and what language the other person is speaking.

The concept originally referred particularly to romantic relationships, but it can also be used in a slightly modified form on friendly, job-related or family Relationships be applied.

What exactly are the five love languages?

1. Praise and recognition (Words of Affirmation)

The first language of love includes verbal support and spoken wordsThat come from the heart. With sincere compliments, words of praise, appreciation, and thanks, people who speak this "mother tongue" express their love, genuine appreciation, respect, and gratitude to others. A benevolent tone of voice and a tender tone of voice are also used to convey these things.

It's secondary whether special achievements and successes are praised or the smallest gestures and attentions. People with this primary love language often don't even notice when they express their appreciation verbally.

2.Togetherness (Quality Time)

Love and appreciation is expressed here through consciously lived togetherness expressed. People who speak this language consciously make time for others and want to spend time with them in a friendly and attentive manner. This might include a shared dinner, a free slot in the calendar, conversations, morning and evening rituals, or uninterrupted time on the weekend.
Watching TV together or sitting next to each other and working doesn't necessarily count here. It's more about sharing meaningful interactions or having conversations with substance. The focus is on being together intentionally. Time is a significant commodity for people with this love language.

3. Gifts that come from the heart (Receiving Gifts)

Contrary to what one might think, gifts are not a superficial way of expressing love. People who “speak” this language want to small gifts or tokens of appreciation express that they not only thought about the other person, but also considered what the person might like and then got it and sent it to them.
Aspects such as creativity and unusual ideas, the element of surprise, and thoughtfulness play a primary role here. Gifts can be purchased, found, or homemade. Their material value is unimportant; rather, the gifts are a visual representation of love and a sign of appreciation.

4. Willingness to help (Acts of Service)

People with the love language “helpfulness” would like to support their partner by Offer help and the other Take on tasksThis can mean anything from ironing to cooking to reviewing presentation materials for your partner's work. So, even seemingly unimportant tasks and everyday obligations are taken care of and completed to help the other person relieve stress.

For them, helping is a labor of love and a given in a relationship. By doing things that ease the other person's burden, they show love and appreciation. True to the motto "Actions speak louder than words."

5. Tenderness (Physical Touch)

We all know the power of touch. For people with this primary love language, tender touches such as hugs and caresses An expression of love. The exchange of touch is more important to these people than words of appreciation or small gifts and makes them feel good. Even small touches like holding hands while walking, ruffling your partner's hair, or physical proximity like sitting close together while watching a movie are important and enjoyable for these people.

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Sending and receiving love languages

By this point in the article, you've probably already asked yourself what your primary love language is. Perhaps you already have a rough idea.If you want to know more, you can take the following short test, which will show you which is your dominant love language.

If you want to find out what your primary love language is: Click here to take the test.
The test is in English and takes about 10 minutes. You can take it even if you're not currently in a relationship. :)

Once you've taken the test, you'll see that you have each of the five languages ​​present. However, you resonate with each language to varying degrees. The language that resonates most strongly in you is your primary love language.

Now let’s come to a very important point:

We often give love the way we would like to receive it.

What exactly does that mean?

Let's assume your primary love language is affection. On the one hand, this means that it's important to you to regularly exchange and receive touch and affection with your partner. If you don't receive this, a feeling of discomfort can quickly set in; you feel like your relationship isn't fully fulfilling.

On the other hand, this also means that there is a very high probability that you enjoy giving touches and affection – just to show the special person in your life how important they are to you.

Problems can arise if your partner’s primary love language is not the same like yours. For example, it may be that your partner values ​​hearing how much they mean to you on a regular basis more than exchanging hugs, kisses, or massages. At the same time, you may feel like something is missing if your partner tells you they love you but doesn't show it through physical touch.

So, it can really help to know what each other's primary love language is. Once you figure it out (together), you can talk about it openly and honestly. By making an effort to "speak" each other's language, you can accommodate each other. This way, the needs of both parties are met.

Go one step further

Of course, you can't expect everyone in your immediate circle to take the test or forward the results to you. Another way to address the love languages ​​is to observe which love language the other person (z.B. the mother, the best friend, or the work colleague). You can then respond by returning that same language.

That's exactly what I did with my parents and my closest friends. I quickly noticed how my relationships with these people became closer, more loving, and more fulfilling.

Of course, the concept of the five love languages ​​isn't the key to solving all (relationship) problems. And there's much more to say about it than I could cover in this post.
From my own experience, however, I can say that it is definitely worth taking a closer look at the book.

Our relationships can only benefit from this.:)

If you want to know more about mindfulness, healthy eating, family & pregnancy or sustainability, take a look here over.

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