Design family life around a deeper meaning

Most families in Western society today are formed based on an initially romanticized notion of security, cohesion, and commonality. Humans are herd animals. We want to belong, be part of a community, connect with one another, and, according to our instincts, reproduce. With the societal development of couple formation based on love and the simultaneous individualization, a host of expectations and ideas regarding mutual emotional support have also found their way into family planning.

Unfortunately, an atmosphere of disappointed expectations all too quickly sets in in everyday life. We change, the situation evolves, and people don't remain the same as they were at the beginning of their family. We meet each other anew every day, and what the other person might have offered me at the beginning takes on different characteristics.

With this dynamic comes conflicts that could potentially lead to a rift, if... yes, if there wasn't something much deeper behind all of this.

We already suspect it – a healthy family unit forms the foundation for a healthy society. If the individual is healthy, they bring health to the family, which in turn brings health to the greater whole. Wars, both small and large, arise from disappointed expectations, neglected needs, and unfulfilled longings. A "why" that is not deeply felt, honestly, and authentically reflected upon in the question of one's own actions can cause much suffering, even in the highest political circles, especially if we are not united by shared values and if we have not raised our psychological shields.

Thus, it's our task to discover what sustains us. Why does a couple, a friendship, a family, a clique, a village, any kind of community form?

We need deep roots to be able to weather the superficial waves with strength and loyalty.

Dig deeper

The best nutrients for lasting bonds lie deep beneath the surface. When we pursue a common, unifying goal, we navigate conflicts and difficulties in a completely different way. We focus on the goal, unite, and support one another. It becomes easier to stop taking conflicts personally and instead view them as a shared challenge.

To achieve this “we”, two essential foundations are required:

1. Truth

Only with this can a family/community delve deeper into what is truly and authentically present. If we don't encounter each other truthfully, but remain largely unaware of our behavioral patterns, we can only encounter each other on the surface.
So, am I willing, first to myself and then to others, to reveal what I truly believe, what's going on inside me, and what I desire? How deeply am I willing to allow and admit my own weakness, shame, fear, and other uncomfortable feelings? How authentically do I show myself in my relationship and as a parent? Do I show my true self to my children? Do I believe this is possible, that I'll be a good mother/father if I show who I really am?

2. Trust

Yes, trust is easy to lose and even harder to regain. But it is the greatest treasure within family bonds.Trust that others have my best interests at heart, that I can show myself, and that I, too, have something to offer my loved ones, fuels the desire for truth. The two are like twins, going hand in hand. Trust means the willingness to commit, to get involved, to surrender, to close the back doors. True trust creates the individual sense of belonging in intimate relationships, which makes the bond so distinctive. Trust is a decision – this is where I want to be. This is where I am allowed to be. This is my home.

Of values and goals – the questions of meaning

Now the foundation for true meaning has been laid. From here, the family can ask the questions that will lead them to a shared, deeper meaning and purpose.

The deepest question of meaning is certainly not something only spiritually inclined people should ask themselves. Throughout history and in all cultures, people have asked themselves the question of "why." Even within individuals, this question is often subconsciously resonant: Why do I act? Why do I decide? What am I? A deep, conscious "why" is the impetus for resilience in the face of challenges and holds communities together. Here are some inspirational approaches to this question:

What values unite us as a family—what do we stand for ethically, morally, in communication, and in our inner convictions? What values do we want to pass on to our children?
If we base our everyday lives on our shared values, we will talk to each other and approach problems very differently. We will always incorporate our values into our decisions, rather than acting purely on the basis of pleasure.
What attitude do we want to cultivate in conflicts? Do we have agreed-upon rules for dealing with each other?
How we communicate with each other in the family is based on the strength of our desire to view one another with kindness and always expect the best from one another. If we approach the encounter with a self-protective attitude, communication will also be different. What's important is that we truly want to understand the other person deeply.
Why has life brought us together? Why us? Why this child? What gift do we as parents have for our child, and vice versa? What is our deeper calling, how do we fit into the greater whole?
What is our focus – what divides us or what unites us?

Family, regardless of its constellation, is the core gift of our being. Its meaning and depth make us more human.

If you would like to learn more about family, pregnancy, mindfulness, nutrition or sustainability, take a look here over.

AUTHOR: SARAH ACKER