Child and career - I want both! A reflection about what it really is about.

The modern family man is faced with the challenge of choosing from a countless number of life plans the one in which he feels he can best identify with himself.

The opportunity for self-realization in the luxury of our modern Western world often leaves us in a dilemma, spoiled for choice. What should it be? Which community do I want to join, which social network do I feel a sense of belonging to, what attitude to life do I want to develop, how do I express my creativity, and how do I want to create and act in this world in a way that best suits me?

Questions of family and career are usually central to this. According to our widespread thinking, a job that is geared toward a career requires long, intensive training and a full-time focus on the goal of climbing to the top of the ladder.

Inner life goals, the question of "why?", which often represents the hidden motivation for such an undertaking, are often not considered as intensively when deciding on such a life plan. This, to anticipate the course of events, increasingly leads to people burning out along the way and losing the strength to successfully implement their goals halfway through. This development leaves them dissatisfied, which can then lead to tensions in family relationships and is often not recognized as the root of the problem.

The question of individual ideas about family and relationships follows a similar pattern. Do we want to have children? How many? When? How important is the relationship with them to us? What motivation, other than our survival instinct, drives us to bring children into the world at all?

We are aware that family life takes up a lot of time – in fact, just as much as climbing the career ladder would require.

The agony of choice and the pressure to decide

What should we do now? We may find that we want recognition, success, and respect at our professional level, earn a lot of money, or prove our abilities.

On the other hand, we want our social needs met in family life. But time seems to be thwarting our plans – having children can't be postponed indefinitely because of our biological clock – and when it comes to careers, we're already on the back burner from the age of forty onwards – like a soccer player who's already past his prime.

In addition, the demands are increasing: We are expected to be experienced and reliable, like someone who has spent half their life faithfully in a single company – as parents, the same is expected of us – but at the same time, we want to be flexible and innovative, smart and contemporary, always up to date and with modern lifestyles.

How on earth are we supposed to manage all this? Where does the line blur between our own expectations and those of society and our social environment?

And what if we simply can't decide? What do we want? Farmers had it much better back then, we allow ourselves to be carried away by the thought and long for the times when everything was supposedly so simple because it was predetermined. Both too narrow and too broad parameters are uncomfortable: A lot of space brings with it the responsibility to look within and see what actually drives us deep down.It's exhausting.

In addition, the question that regularly arises: "Was that really all there is?" All that effort with the children, all the investment in my career advancement, all the tears in romantic relationships—what was it all for?

A new path?

Two lives, or even more, that would be it. Wouldn't it? What intellectual path could offer us a solution to this dilemma?

There seem to be so many different ways we can live, but they all have one thing in common: Despite the obvious diversity, time seems to be running out. And the options offered seem to be dictated from the outside. Like a template, we can fall into one or another of the designs, and in the end, many of us risk feeling like we've simply missed something somewhere.

I would like to encourage you to take a new path: How about no longer making decisions from the outside in, but from the inside out?

Our inner world and our dreams know no time limits, no pressure, and no boundaries of what's possible. Internally, we can initially be anything. This makes it possible to balance children and career without neglecting one or the other.

The more deeply our imagination is trained, the more we allow ourselves to look beyond what seems possible, to let go of kindergarten opening hours, school subject choices, timekeeping until menopause, or choosing a partner, successful job applications and ideal pay, and turn to our inner world, in which everything that wants to be can be, the more we actually learn to think outside the box.

We're reclaiming our creativity. Who can tell you if it's really impossible to be there for your children full-time AND successful in your career? What creative idea would you like to create to make this very scenario a reality? Is there perhaps a job that allows you to do both? What if you just manage it?

With the “Why?” the way is paved

Don't get me wrong, it's true: It requires countless hours and a radical willingness to tread a new path. Walking the well-trodden path is far more enjoyable, and the pressure to achieve perfection increases.

But even this dress can be too tight for you: It's not about everything being perfect. It's about being able to wholeheartedly stand behind what you do. And if you choose wholeheartedly to climb the career ladder AND give all your love to your children and create a safe, protected home, you will find a way. You may not see an immediate example of someone who has already achieved this and will instead encounter people who keep themselves afloat by "just have to." But you can be an inspiration, not least for your children, who will see that their parents don't blame them for having to put their dreams on the back burner.

Our next generation needs examples of a world of equality, vibrancy, justice, and functioning communities: people who aren't satisfied with the status quo. People who are raising children while also working in refugee aid. People who put their families first while simultaneously pioneering new innovations in the financial sector. People who love children while simultaneously bringing their souls to the stage.

It works.It's important that children are a part of our society. That they witness our full commitment to a better world—and that our children are allowed to be part of that, instead of serving as an excuse for unfulfilled dreams.

Just a few months ago, for example, we couldn't have imagined that so many people would suddenly be able to work from home. Then the coronavirus pandemic hit. And suddenly a new window opened. Extraordinary circumstances give birth to extraordinary measures.

If you would like to learn more about family and pregnancy, mindfulness, nutrition or sustainability, Check out more exciting blog articles on these topics here.

Author: SARAH ACKER