Love it, Leave it, or change it - deal with dissatisfaction

We're all pretty good at complaining. Maybe even too good. Because it's always easy to complain about the things that bother us. And of course, it's good to let off steam every now and then. On the other hand, complaining also has a significant impact on our general well-being and sense of contentment...

Jubilation, hustle and bustle, bitterness…?

There are days when nothing goes right. First, the bus leaves right in front of us. Then at work, the deadline for a project we're already running short on gets pushed back. During our break, our coffee cup shatters on the floor, and when we get home in the evening, the kids are whining. As if that weren't enough, when we open the washing machine—to top off this successful day—a pink-stained load of white laundry falls out. Great!

We all have those days, right? But it doesn't always take several things going wrong for us to get annoyed. Sometimes just one wrong comment from our partner is enough to make us mope for the whole day.

Why do we react like this? Why do we allow ourselves to be so carried away and affected by seemingly unimportant things? After all, we know – rationally speaking – that, in retrospect, none of this was really that important.

Behind these many small annoyances often lies something bigger: a fundamental dissatisfaction with an area of ​​life, a feeling of being overwhelmed and stressed, or even anger or sadness.

A check-in with yourself

If you find yourself regularly getting upset about the smallest things, it's a good time to take a deeper look inside yourself. How are you really feeling right now? Which areas of your life are you satisfied with? Which challenges frighten you or make you feel powerless? What are you dissatisfied with?

Really take your time here and allow yourself 10 to 30 minutes to reflect. Make a list with two columns: "I'm happy with this/This is going well right now" and "I'm dissatisfied with this/This could be better." Check in with yourself and write down everything that comes up.

If you find it difficult to write things down from the gut, you can also gradually go through different areas of your life one by one. These areas could be: partnership, health, relationships (family and friends), job and career, creativity, money and finances, mindset, spirituality, personality, living situation and material possessions, leisure time, mental health, meaning, social engagement, etc.
Visualizing our feelings is always very helpful for our brain. You can create a bar chart for this. Each bar represents an area of ​​life. The y-axis displays a 10-point scale of satisfaction. The height of each bar then reflects how satisfied you are with that area of ​​life (1 = very dissatisfied, 10 = completely satisfied).

At the end, you'll see at a glance where the problem lies. We usually know subconsciously what's really bothering us. However, verbalizing these impressions and feelings and bringing them to the surface isn't always easy. An exercise like this can create clarity and awareness.

That's all well and good, but what do I do with it now?

Of course, visualizing or writing down one's own dissatisfaction does not solve the actual problems.So what do I do with the “newly” acquired information?

A while ago, I came across the concept of "love it, leave it, or change it." And to be honest, even this concept doesn't solve all problems. But it's stuck with me and has helped me out of the mental victim role many times. But slow down—what exactly is it about?

Basically, it's about having three options (for action) when faced with an unsatisfactory situation.

Love it.

Accept the situation as it is. Put aside your ego, your pride, your anger, whatever. Find something positive in it. Look at the situation from a new perspective. Accept what is, enjoy it, and deal with it. Or: Accept what is, enjoy it, and sit back and let it happen.

Leave it.

If "love it" doesn't work or doesn't feel right, you can try leaving the situation. Step back. Leave the room for five minutes, revisit the issue later, when intense feelings have subsided. Or even take more drastic steps like quitting your job or ending a relationship.

Change it.

This third option is the one that, in my opinion, is far too often neglected. Because we have much more "power" over situations than we always realize. What can you do to change the current situation? What concrete steps can you take? Can you make a specific phone call, seek out a conversation, ask someone for help, find another solution? Life-changing decisions don't have to be made right away, but you can work step by step toward the state that would satisfy you.

A certain person in my life always says, whenever I'm complaining or upset about something, "Change something or don't complain." Even though that's the last thing I want to hear in these situations, I know it's true. This phrase brings me back down to earth and reminds me that I'm not a victim of circumstances. I can do something to change the situation. And if that's not immediately possible, I can leave it. Or simply accept that things don't always go exactly as we imagine.

The implementation

Finally, I'd like to illustrate the concept with an example. I deliberately chose an everyday, "small," not-too-serious example to illustrate that there are several options for dealing with the situation.

The situation: You've been looking forward to your summer vacation for so long – finally getting out of gray, cold Germany! The day before your departure, you check your weather app and see that rain and severe weather are forecast for the exact time you're in that warm place.

"I knew it would happen like this. This always happens to me. I never get lucky even once. Now I don't even want to go on vacation anymore. All the planned activities can't go ahead..." STOP. Remember the phrase "Love it, leave it, or change it." Let's start at the back:

Change it.

You can't change the weather—it's the weather, after all. What you can do, however, is adapt your activities to the weather. What things can you experience and see that you would never have discovered if you had only been outdoors?

Leave it.

Of course, you could escape the situation by not going on vacation (but who does that 😆). You could also simply be Let it go, accept it, and let it happen. Who knows, maybe the weather will change its mind?

Love it.

Often the most difficult option: "I don't like rain, so why should I tell myself that I 'love' it when my vacation is overshadowed by bad weather?" Of course, you don't have to pretend everything's fine, but maybe you can manage not to let this fact completely spoil your mood... Is the weather really everything? Or is there more to a vacation? New impressions, new cultures, new faces, the architecture, nature, FREE TIME, being with loved ones... Refocus, try to think about all these wonderful things and look forward to them. And then let it go and enjoy your damn vacation! ☺️

If you would like to learn more about healthy eating, mindfulness or sustainability, Check out more exciting blog articles on these topics here.

Photo by Ryan Parker on Unsplash