My child is bullied at school - what can I do as a parent?

*Trigger warning: In the first section I report on my own experiences with bullying*

*This article is based on personal experience and is not professional advice*

Experiences

Bullying is a sensitive topic. It can be comforting to know that you are not alone if you or a loved one are confronted with it. This article aims to help you gain hope, self-efficacy, and a clear approach, thus providing you with new ways of supporting your child if they experience bullying at school.

I was a victim of bullying myself as a child. For years, starting in kindergarten, I was forced into the "lion's den" every day, and it felt like there was no way out. My parents weren't as aware of the situation as they should have been, and I became increasingly withdrawn, unable to find the words to make myself heard.

Furthermore, home wasn't a place where I felt better—I felt like wherever I was, I wasn't safe. I wasn't being heard, and even worse, subconsciously, I seemed to simply feel like I had to endure the role of victim.

Day in, day out, I went to school with fear and the expectation of being mocked. During recess, I usually stood alone. The entire class was incited against me, and I often sat alone in class. Rumors about me spread among the classmates. Strangers insulted me in the hallways and laughed at me. On the way home from the bus, I was followed by teenagers who wanted to scare me. I was even once choked on the school bus until I passed out.

The real pain of such a distressing situation for the child is the feeling of being alone. You may get the impression that they don't want to talk about it, but just knowing and feeling that they could talk if they wanted to helps enormously.

Nobody listens

But what if the child's experience of being alone seems so real? What if the child gets the impression that they themselves live in a reality that no one else perceives as they do? The feelings of fear and isolation, of helplessness and powerlessness, are what most devastate them.

Feelings arise like: "I'm not allowed to be here. I'm worthless. I'm ugly. I'm alone. No one sees me. It's normal to be afraid. Life isn't beautiful."

In addition, depending on their age, a child may not yet be able to consciously think about, reflect on, and grasp their situation. If they feel no one is listening, they seem trapped within themselves. They can't sit down and rationally say to themselves, "This can't go on like this. I need to talk to someone."

This is where we parents come in: We think and act for our child in a parental, protective, and loving manner. We take responsibility. Remember: If we don't do it, usually no one else will.

How can you best support your child, even in situations where you yourself may seem to be at your limit? Coping with a bullying situation as a family is usually just one of many acute issues that need to be addressed. This requires sensitivity.

First, remember: You can only help if you are helped. Therefore, consider what you need to be there for your child with a free heart. Do yourself a favor.Consider your needs. Speak up for yourself. Set boundaries. Model to yourself and your child how a

How people can behave to avoid getting caught up in the chaos. Because you, too, are worth it.

What can I do? Tips and tricks

Be a safe place. Your child needs to feel safe as soon as they walk through the front door. They need eye contact and physical closeness, loving gestures, and your full attention when they come home. Even if they're still at school, they need to know: My mom/dad is at home and is thinking of me. They're waiting for me. There's someone I can trust completely and who cares about me.

Train your child in self-confidence and self-love – it's never too early for that! Your child should learn, especially through how you treat them, that they have the right to be treated with respect and love. That nothing can be done to them against their will. That they can speak up and express their opinion at any time without being punished. Your child wants to experience being heard with you and that their words and attitude have an impact.

Show your love to your child every day, especially through your attention on the topic! Notice the mood your child is in when they come home. Forget your own challenges for a few moments as best you can and focus on being fully present with your child. Meet them at eye level and provide a space where they can talk about how their school day went.

Overcoming powerlessness together

Note: Many children find the idea of ​​their parents interfering, for example, by trying to talk to the parents of the bullied children, unbearable. They fear that this will only make things worse.

Take this fear seriously. It's real and may cause your child sleepless nights. Discuss with your child, in an age-appropriate way, what you can do: Let them know that you're in the same boat. You'll consider your child's wishes and needs, and you'll "hatch a plan together."

Make it clear to your child that you are willing to do whatever it takes to change the situation without going beyond their will.

Bring hope: Teach them that an unbearable situation never has to be endured silently and motionless.

Be prepared to write an apology and leave your child at home (of course, be careful not to take advantage of this). But also train your child to talk back, to act instead of react, and to handle the situation appropriately.

If you're stuck, talk to experts about it. Be proactive. See yourself as a supportive parent and convey to your child that you believe in them. They're in a delicate, challenging, and, depending on the severity, even traumatic situation, and they need one thing above all:

The hope of knowing, "I can do this and I'll get out of this. This situation will end." For example, discuss with your child a time when they will be removed from the situation if nothing has changed by then. Perhaps they still feel the need to persevere and grow beyond themselves.However, it can be very helpful to know that one way or another, in five months, five weeks, five days, or even immediately, we will have a solution (for example, a change of school) to end the situation.

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