Why?

We ask ourselves this question so often, even in the family context. Why does my child act the way they do? Why do I get so angry? Why isn't my partner friendly to me? Why are we having financial problems? Why do I wish my daily life were different? Why is everything so stressful?

Family life can challenge us to the limit. Let's not forget that we've chosen a mammoth task:

We want to build a life together with people we see every day, whose quirks we know and have to put up with, whose habits clash with ours, whose ideas and desires somehow have to be squeezed into a 24-hour day.

With every new addition to the family, a whole new world is added to the existing one. And this continues for years.

How on earth are we going to do that?

And why is everything always so difficult?

The problem with the why

The word "why" is full of tricks and pitfalls from several perspectives. For one thing, it evokes a certain hopelessness. It creates the feeling that things must be the way they are, and that it's more about enduring than enjoying things.

Distrust can arise. "Why is this happening to me?" we ask life, feeling powerless and abandoned. The "why" may keep us stuck in a loop with no prospect of a solution.

Behind our why lies our desire to avoid pain, but the opposite happens: We continue to fuel the pain and our emotional body is happy to have more fodder to reinforce the circumstances that hurt us.

So, the root of the question "why" isn't producing the fruits we actually desire in our family life. How can we get things moving? Is there a way to step off the beaten path and conjure up what we want to see in our closest relationships and our everyday lives?

The answer is yes! We can even keep our beloved tool of asking questions. It's just a matter of changing the question to achieve different results.

Here's a new way of asking, "Why?"

The magic word

Why is my child behaving so stubbornly? What are they trying to achieve? Why am I offended and withdrawing from my partner, avoiding conflict, and avoiding being fully present with my children? Why do my children torpedo our joint activities?

The "why" question poses the question of the purpose of human actions. According to this, there is always something that drives us internally. We are not guided by reasons, but by goals. A goal to be achieved drives us into action, into action.

If we experience that our actions bring us closer to our goal, whether consciously or unconsciously, we will repeat those actions and perhaps even intensify our efforts toward them. Thus, patterns within the family constellation become entrenched and can make our lives difficult.

By clarifying our purpose, an exciting dynamic emerges: We can become curious about embarking on the process together. Perhaps everything doesn't have to stay the way it is?

We can learn to listen to each other and understand each other better.The question of guilt that has kept us passive in the "why" transforms into a certain curiosity about our own inner world and that of others. Family life can become a field of research, a shared expedition, a space full of goodwill. Because one thing is clear:

The human "why?" is always focused on giving the individual value, strengthening their self-image, and making them feel loved and accepted. When we get to know each other by seeing and perceiving this deep desire in the other person, we are much more open and focus more on the need than the action. This allows us to find each other amidst the chaos of everyday life and create a whole new kind of connection.

Of course. That's all a fine theory. But how is it supposed to work in practice? More on that in the second part of this article!

If you would like to learn more about family, pregnancy, mindfulness, nutrition or sustainability, take a look here over.