Each of us has dreams, passions, and interests. What were your dreams as a child? Do you still remember what you wanted to be back then?

Not good enough

I've wanted to be an actress for as long as I can remember. During school, I regularly took theater and acting classes and even performed on stage once or twice. But the older I got, the more I lost sight of this dream. The fear of failure was huge.

“That's not a real job…” “How do you expect to make money with that?” I heard these and similar statements regularly from all sorts of sources. For a long time, I was afraid to even apply for castings because I didn't want to be rejected. And when I finally did, that's exactly what happened: rejections. A few small projects came along, but nothing big. I started to feel like I wasn't good enough. Not pretty enough, not confident enough, not interesting enough. At some point, I became convinced that I simply wasn't good enough and gave up the whole acting thing. Because if I didn't even try, I couldn't get rejected, right?

Unfortunately, this equation didn't work. You'd have to hide in a cave all by yourself to avoid rejection your whole life. Giving up on a dream doesn't protect you from ever being rejected again... Life says "no" again and again, in very different ways. A business idea that is rejected; a date that no one shows up for; friendships that fall apart; a desire to have children that remains unfulfilled; a project that goes wrong; and, and, and... Even such successful people as Walt Disney or J.KRowling were rejected several times before their ideas became successful.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

What is the alternative?

It happens to all of us. We search, love, open up. We ask, talk, let others get close to us. We do all of this knowing we'll be rejected. We'll be hurt. And sometimes that's exactly what happens. So why do we keep trying? Why do we risk being offended, ridiculed, or hurt? Why do we repeatedly put ourselves in situations where we know we might get a "no" as an answer?

Well, what would be the alternative? The alternative would be that absolutely nothing happens.

Every idea, every ambition, every desire and every goal we have would wither away.

We would drift along without any real orientation or direction. Fear would take over. Would that really be life or much rather exist?

But this thought – living a life of fear but without the risk of being hurt or rejected – is much more frightening than the thought of living in love and trust and accepting occasional rejection, isn't it?

The beauty of rejection and refusal is that they show us that we tried.

Rejection brings growth

Now, whenever I experience rejection—whether emotionally, socially, romantically, or professionally—I try to remind myself that at least I tried. I took a risk.I took a risk. I stepped out of my comfort zone. I tried something new. I went a step further and exceeded my personal limits.

I could have avoided a large portion of the times I received a "no" as an answer. As well as a great deal of pain that came with that rejection.

But would I trade that pain for the experiences, the lessons, and the growth that came from those rejections? Definitely not. I don't want to look back at the end of my life on a time when I tiptoed around, just so I didn't touch anything wrong. I'd rather bump into life's challenges here and there, fall over, but overall make much, much more progress.

However, I don't want to romanticize rejections and refusal, because they are still a serious matter. It simply hurts to experience rejection, and there is no always something beautiful about it. Through repeated experiences of rejection, negative beliefs can creep in (z.B. “I am not good enough”), which can have serious effects on the body and psyche.

It's simply about learning and accepting that not everything in life works out. That not everything is meant for you, and that some things just aren't a good fit for you.

Just imagine...

Imagine if we lived in a world where everyone was compatible with everyone else, everyone enjoyed everything, and everyone had the same talents? Can you imagine a world where we didn't have to search and find, where we didn't have to risk anything, and where the answer was always "yes"? Where everything we dreamed of would instantly become reality? How cool would that really be? Ultimately, it's the searching, the uncertainty, the unknown that makes everything so interesting, right?

Not everything we wish for is made for us. Just as not everything that is made for us is what we truly desire.

We're not suited for some friendships, jobs, relationships, and hobbies. But how would we know what's right for us if we didn't try it? Every rejection, every "no," helps us find the path that's right for us. To discover ourselves more and more. To get to know ourselves better and better. To truly discover what it is that fulfills us.

I'm trying more and more to trust that everything is right as it happens. That every rejection I experience is justified. Rejection forces us to pause and reflect. And that's exactly where learning and growth happen.

I try to be grateful for rejection

Of course, sometimes you wonder: What if? I sometimes wonder where I would be now if I hadn't been rejected back then. If I had kept trying, without fear of rejection. But I also know now that these experiences were necessary for me to grow. Through them, I learned that "no"s are part of life. That I can be grateful for every experience I have—no matter the outcome. That the attempts are worth it, and that every rejection shows me that I tried—even if it hurts sometimes.

If you want to know more about mindfulness, healthy eating, family & pregnancy or sustainability, take a look here over.

Photo by Matteo Minoglio on Unsplash