Talks about veganism - why they always escalate and what you can do as a vegan: in it

It's clear to you that you want to eat vegan? Great, then everything's fine! ... If it weren't for the fact that you're surrounded by people who don't agree with your purely plant-based diet. You constantly clash or even drift apart – conversations and discussions with competing mindsets and lifestyles can be exhausting. Experiences && Tips.

Vegan diet: I've found a lifestyle that I feel comfortable with, and I know that I'm not only doing something good for animals, but also for the environment. It feels right. Unfortunately, not everyone in my immediate circle sees it that way. And that can be extremely frustrating. And not just for me—this confrontation can also be nerve-wracking for the person I'm with...

Every situation is unique – and yet the same

Some people choose a vegan lifestyle because they're inspired by friends or family members. This is great because it means they already have people in their close circle who share a similar worldview. This can make it easier to get started.

Others, however, are the "initiators" in their friend group and initially find themselves on their own. They became aware of a purely plant-based diet through their own moral compass, posts on social media, or even documentaries. Finding support from loved ones in this regard is more difficult and rare.

But whether you have one, five, or ten people around you who live or eat vegan – there is certainly at least one person in your immediate environment who is not at all happy about this topic.

What is the problem?

But where exactly is the problem? Why is it so difficult to talk about veganism with non-vegans? Sometimes I feel like veganism is treated almost like religion or politics: Don't bring it up, or it will definitely cause friction between the participants.

On the other hand, there are also examples to the contrary. Recently, I was pleasantly surprised by my cousin, who, although she eats meat, was still extremely interested in my diet. We were able to exchange our views openly and relaxedly.

Why do people react so differently to this topic?

In my experience, the biggest sticking point is the asymmetry of knowledge between both parties.

Let me explain: When we have little information about a topic, but are (supposed to) have a debate or discussion about it, we feel corneredRegardless of whether it's about veganism, politics, or artificial intelligence, without knowledge we lack a basis for argumentation.

Now, it's often the case that, unlike us, the person we're talking to knows very little about the vegan lifestyle. This is perfectly normal, because in most cases, they simply haven't yet engaged with the topic. The "knowledge" that does exist consists largely of prejudices and stereotypes.

We conclude that in most cases there is an imbalance in the level of knowledge.

Okay, what next?

This wouldn't be such a big deal if we simply admitted that we don't have enough knowledge to debate this issue.

Unfortunately, shame is a big issue in our society. If we were to openly expose our deficits, we could be labeled "weak," "stupid," "embarrassing," or "ignorant." And we want to avoid that as much as possible. Especially when it comes to a topic that's currently on everyone's lips and that we should really know about...

So what do we do?

We feel attacked. We leave the rational plane and enter the emotional plane. Here, the quality of the argument is no longer decisive, but rather how well I can defend myself. And how well I can convey the opinion I believe I have to defend through essentially meaningless rebuttals. I exhibit this behavior all the more the more I (subconsciously) perceive this imbalance.

The result?

The conversation ends in accusations, an argument, or at least in a tense atmosphere.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

The second point: openness, tolerance and self-confidence

Another crucial factor in how the conversation unfolds and ends, I believe, is some facets of personality.

To return to the positive conversation experience with my cousin: I know that she is generally a person who is very open to other views and attitudes. She is genuinely interested in the thoughts of the other person. Furthermore, she is at peace with herself; she knows who she is and who she wants to be. At the same time, she is open to learning.

Such qualities give us a sense of strength in a conversation. Because if I lack this self-assurance or self-confidence, I'm much more likely to take the conversation to an emotional level. I also find it harder to admit that I may not have a sufficient knowledge base to conduct a discussion on the topic. Which brings us back to point one...

And there’s something else:

When the topic of veganism comes up—in whatever situation, comment, or question—non-vegans quickly feel (and this isn't meant to be derogatory) that they now have to have a fundamental discussion about veganism, naturally defending their own point of view. Much more often, however, vegans avoid this topic on their own, knowing how much friction it can cause.

Why can't we just have a conversation and exchange ideas, ask questions, and explain things? That works with other topics, doesn't it?

For one thing, I think it's because one's own diet is an emotional issue.

Whether vegan or not, it ultimately makes up a large part of our everyday lives. Our parents' upbringing influences how we eat in the vast majority of cases. And it often stays that way. Because our own diet has been with us for so long, it becomes part of our identity.

On the other hand, I think that many people actually know in their hearts that their omnivorous diet causes suffering and harms animals and the environment.

A so-called cognitive dissonance then arises in the mind. This means that a person has cognitions (here: thoughts) that are incompatible, z.B.: "Killing/keeping animals causes suffering" vs. "I eat dead animals." This cognitive dissonance manifests itself as an unpleasant emotional state. We essentially know something is wrong. How can we get rid of this unpleasant feeling? Either we change our behavior ("I'm not eating animals anymore") or we change our thoughts ("Eating animals is perfectly normal"/"The animals aren't that bad after all"/...).

Which do you think is easier to implement?

That's right, a change in thinking. We can suppress or resolve the unpleasant feeling by finding justifications for our actions.

So when I am confronted again with these contradictory cognitions (z.B. when the topic of veganism is brought up), I go into defense mode to protect myself and my cognitions. Otherwise, the cognitive dissonance would arise again – and that doesn't feel good.

The conversation can easily escalate.

What can I do as a vegan in such challenging conversation situations?

I definitely don't want anyone to feel that our non-vegan counterpart is the only problem.

Quite the opposite. I know from my own experience that even we vegans aren't always easy conversationalists! Especially at the beginning, we tend to want to convert others. Or try to make the other person feel guilty so they realize how "evil" what they're doing is. It's quite possible that the vegan party is significantly more intolerant than the omnivorous party. After all, we're not immune to the emotional nature of the topic either.

So how can I behave so that a conversation or discussion is as peaceful as possible?

empathy

I believe empathy is very important. We should remember that we ourselves may have only recently acquired this new knowledge. You, too, were once in the same situation as the other person. Be understanding. Don't make the other person feel "inferior" or less valuable than you. This is very important. Perhaps even express your understanding of the other person's position out loud. This shows warmth and empathy.

patience

Give your counterpart time. Don't throw facts around if you sense the other person isn't ready to accept them. This can be overwhelming and put you in a position where you feel you have to defend yourself (see "Knowledge Asymmetry" above).

Leading by positive example

Stop proselytizing. Education is important. But it only happens effectively when the other person sees themselves as an equal partner. So instead of steering the conversation toward veganism at every opportunity, simply try to lead by positive example. Live your life, subtly draw attention to something here and there.For example, if you are invited to dinner, bring a delicious vegan dessert (which will convince everyone that vegan food can actually taste good) 😉), or suggest alternatives that would make you feel more comfortable – not so that everyone else “forces” to eat vegan, but with the justification that you would feel more comfortable with it.

We are all influenced by our environment—whether we want it or not. So why not influence your environment in a positive way? Without arguments or discussions that end with at least one person angry or depressed? But by approaching with empathy, understanding, and patience? I can guarantee you that this will also have a positive effect on the attitude of the other person!

Spread love, not hate. 💛🌱

If you would like to learn more about healthy eating, mindfulness, sustainability or family and pregnancy, Check out more exciting blog articles on these topics here.

Photo by Antenna on Unsplash